Nothing prepares us for death

At 98 years of age, I dreaded the news. Being far away from my home country Ecuador. I knew the day would come when I would hear about the passing of my beloved grandfather. And it eventually happen last autumn, my beloved grandfather left this world. I could not face myself going to Ecuador, I had spent the summer with him, enjoying his company and having my children know him at every chance I got.

February 2024, I went to see him, he recovered fully for us to enjoy him for a final summer.

I cannot say that I waited for the news, because I didn’t. I really had hoped this would not happen yet. I hoped I could be lucky and get to celebrate his 100th birthday or even some more years after his 100 years. But life had other plans for him.

I miss him, I am mourning him. I used to listen to the music he taught me to love as a child while painting for the last few years and I feel scared at times to continue life without him. But I must, and I have. I managed to go to Ecuador this past December, I managed to be in his home, and the pain was bigger than I could anticipate, but he needed to rest. He gave me so much joy over the years. He taught me so many valuable lessons in life and above all, he loved me and gave me a beautiful legacy of being an artist and living creatively.

A mural I painted of him, outside a public library my sister created to support a community in need.

When I took up painting after many years, one of my first artworks, was his portrait. It then occurred to me that I wanted to make a whole series of paintings commemorating his life, and I did. He knew about it, he got to see the portraits I made of him. I got to shower him with my love and also with my admiration through my art.

I painted, I drew and perhaps it was all as a means to keep his memory engraved in my own mind for when he left this world.

I feel I needed to write this post, so I could continue my work in my atelier, where I will soon be starting a new series, as for now I need to step away from the series I had been working on to celebrate his life.

My sweet grandpa taught me to love photography, to enjoy music, to be lively and kind. I hold him so close to my heart.